Human Resources
Bad Body Language: Confessions of a professional with no poker face
Aug 8, 2016
Can you remember your last really great performance review?
How about the review that goes 99% as you expected? High performer – yes, that sounds like me, willing to do what it takes – glad you noticed, team player – there is no I in team, your body language in meetings is terrible – I am great, wait, what?
I recently read that only 7% of what you communicate is in what you say, which for the math whiz out there, leaves 93% of communication up to other factors…with body language being a huge contributor. What are we saying that we are not verbalizing? And when we verbalize, what volume, tone and words are we choosing to convey our point? After having my poor conduct pointed out to me, I began to pay attention to how I behaved in meetings and actually asked my trusted teammates to tell me after interactions if my body language gave anything away.
Be careful what you ask your “trusted” teammates! Apparently, slouching, eye rolling and drumming your pen to the beat of your inner song are not perceived as positive body language. It is ironic that I am a pretty good poker player, but had no idea that I was even doing these things in meetings. They also informed me that when I was interested in the topic, I leaned in, asked questions, nodded in agreement and was genuinely engaged. Wow – positive and negative meeting “tells”…no bluffing here.
The more aware you become of your body language, the more you begin to pick up on your “tells”. For instance, when I am excited, I speak really fast, use a lot of action words and my tone varies with my message. Disengaged? My speech slows down, something similar to “Buehler, Buehler” is what you hear and there is a steep slope to the slouch in my shoulders.
What about the volume and tone of your voice? As you are speaking, does the voice in your head ever ask – why you are speaking so softly, why are you shouting, why are you out of breath – or are your arms tired from failing around? All of these signals are sent out by you and picked up by your audience. And about the audience, are they engaged? Are the bored? Do they look scared? Reading your audience is a good way to determine how your communication is being received.
I received the “bad body language” review over 8 years ago – and it still sticks with me. I think about it as I feel myself slipping into old bad habits, as I find myself raising my voice in meetings and as I look down at the giant doodle I created. No doubt changing these behaviors is difficult – but we all know that perception is reality and I want my team to know that I am engaged and care about what they are saying, so I will continue to work at it.
What are your tells? Not sure, have a teammate fill you in – because 93% of what you are saying, is not what you are saying, but how you are saying it.
