Press
The Ever Changing Philosophy on Management, Dictatorship, No I Mean Leadership…
May 3, 2016
Have you ever noticed that every time you turn around, there is another article, book, seminar or class on Leadership? Just when you think there can’t possibly be another twist on this subject, something else comes flashing across your desk, begging for attention. With me, it always wins. And, as amazed as I am, I almost always learn something new.
Leadership is an interesting subject because it addresses all the soft, touchy-feely stuff. “5 steps on how to motivate your team”, “Never use these phrases if you expect to inspire your team”, “the worst leader I ever had did the following things” … Somehow, I get sucked into the titles and read every single article. Again, I am surprised by what I learn from reading them. You should never say “I’m sorry you feel that way” … really? I honestly had no idea. According to Inc.’s article, 5 phrases leaders should never say, this is a non-apology apology. It comes across as condescending and demeaning. They go on to say that you can’t use this phrase without sounding like a 2-year old brat. And, then, I had an “Aha” moment! I say that to my 3 girls who are 8 and under ALL the time! I will carefully consider my choice of apologies moving forward and perhaps take the suggestion of just saying “I’m sorry”. On the flip side, in a similar article, Phrases Successful Leaders Never Use from Skipprichard, says never to say “I’m the boss”. Are they kidding? Who says that? And, then, I am suddenly reminded of a former colleague who worked in another city and according to her team, this phrase was actually used on a very frequent basis. But, surely she was kidding when she said it? The perception of her team was that she was not kidding and as we all know, perception is reality. Whether she was kidding or not, clearly it didn’t matter. They hated her.
While this next article from Forbes doesn’t have the most riveting title, “10 Communication Secrets of Great Leaders”, I was once again sucked in and read it in its entirety. 2 of my favorites … #5, Have an open mind and #6 Shut-up and listen. Again, if either of these things shock you, my guess is you aren’t leading much more than your dog on a daily walk. The author is quoted as saying, “I’ve often said that the rigidity of a closed mind is the single greatest limiting factor of new opportunities.” Think about that for a minute. And, to be clear, there is a big difference between saying that you are open minded and subscribe to the practice of having an open mind. How do you respond to a new idea that is different from your own? There is nothing worse than working with someone who claims to be open minded only to shut you down with a hard core hateful tone of voice with your every genius suggestion. People who are able to listen to opinions opposite their own with the intent to understand how they are feeling, as opposed to wanting to convince them they are wrong, completely separate themselves apart from the rest. Why are we all so afraid of someone with an opposing view? Aren’t you curious why people feel differently than you? I have an old friend who I used to frequently discuss the ever so controversial topic of pro-life or pro-choice. We don’t even have a middle ground here, yet both of us were very interested to hear the other person’s opinion, feelings, and how she ultimately got to that view point. In fact, just a few months ago, she sent me a book with a note about how she always enjoyed our conversations about this subject and after all of these years (20+), her mind hasn’t changed, but she has started to understand the different view point. I, too, have started to understand where she is coming from, but like her, I have not changed my mind. My friend went on to say that she wanted me to read the book so we could discuss together knowing that we will have completely different opinions. As heated as people get on both sides of that topic, I am thankful that we are open minded enough to empathetically discuss the topic and perhaps gain perspective and grow.
Now, the next one just made me laugh. Shut up and listen. You may be thinking this applies to more than just your leader/manager at work! It can easily apply to friends, spouses and other colleagues as well. If you are a skilled leader, you have a clue when you need to really be listening instead of just sitting there, counting down the seconds for someone to stop talking so you can quickly insert your opinion because it is surely the only relevant one anyway. As the article states, “When you reach that point in your life where the light bulb goes off, and you begin to understand that knowledge is not gained by flapping your lips, but by removing your ear wax, you have taken the first step to becoming a skilled communicator.” Enough said.
All great leaders share many traits and on the other hand, have many differences. Think of our political candidates for 2016 – I wouldn’t necessarily call all of them great leaders, but they are definitely opinionated leaders! I personally think communicating effectively, taking the time to develop people and inspiring those around you are the most important leadership skills of all. There is nothing that you will appreciate and treasure more than recalling a past leader in your life who took the time to develop, lead and inspire you to be greater than you ever thought possible. That takes talent. And, practice. I’m not sure everyone is born to inspire, but we can definitely learn how to be better communicators.
There are many angles you can take with your leadership style and who am I to tell you if your style works or not? I think you can answer your own question. Is anyone following you?